Thursday, June 25, 2009

The List: #2 Crocs

God I hate crocs. Need I say more? The weird thing about my disdain for crocs is that my hostile feelings towards the sandals seem to manifest into a strong dislike toward those individuals who wear crocs. I don't know if jerks and assholes are predisposed to purchasing crocs, but I have encountered dozens of people who I dislike and it so happens that their choice of footwear resemble large marshmallows in pastel hues. Most recently I had the pleasure of having a croc wearing individual cut in front of me in the checkout line, only to have him pay by check.
I can only imagine that one fine day I will be in some sort of an accident and in need of emergency medical treatment. Knowing my luck, the doctor and/or nurses will be wearing crocs. Thank goodness I have a DNR order filed in my medical records.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The List: #1 Jean Shorts

Jean Shorts. Oh how I hate jean shorts. There's just something about them that I just don't like. I've been guilty of wearing jean shorts several times in my life, most of them occurred before I reached double digits in age, but nevertheless, I'm at fault. Although, I did refrain from wearing the purple jean shorts I received as a gift, circa 1990.
Jean shorts just don't work well with most people. There are a few exceptions: gangstas who operate in warm climates, babies/children who are dressed by their parent/guardian, and people who like wearing jean shorts and could physically harm me. Aside from those exceptions, jean shorts are generally unacceptable. However, there is a one saving grace that involve jean shorts and that's cut-off jean shorts. I give a lot of credit to those who have a pair of cut-off jean shorts. I guess there's something nostalgic about cut-off jean shorts. I imagine getting a pair of regular jeans and wearing them during the cold months and when the warm months arrive, a pair of scissors does the trick, instant warm weather gear. Then again, the imagine I have was probably more commonplace back in the 50's, 60's, and 70's.
I hate jean shorts, and if those jean shorts have cargo pockets I might have seizure.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The List

Since I created this little peephole into my universe, I realized there is more to life than just reporting on my moping and sulking activities, so I've decided to expand my horizons and delve into another area that is near and dear to my heart. As part of a running feature in moping and sulking, I'd like to introduce "The List." Stay tuned to see what's on "The List."

Saturday, May 2, 2009

The Myna Problem

There seems to be two myna birds who have taken an interest in the little nook above my front door. I assume that they want to build a nest because every time I return home I find all sorts of twigs strewn all over the place. Having a nest above my front door isn't necessarily a bad thing, in fact, a lot of people might enjoy seeing man and beast coexisting in a one-bedroom apartment. Personally, I feel that the birds and their nest is more of a nuisance than anything else. For starters, this particular pair of myna birds seem to be first timers at nest building, because much of the twigs and plant fibers that they hauled up seem to be resting on my porch, rather than fashioned into a nest. So when I come back home each day, I find all sorts of crap on porch, which leads me to my next complaint. These birds have also plastered much of porch floorboards and walls with their shit. Now for the main reason I disapprove of these birds: mites.
Back in the Fall of 2005 I had the unfortunate luck of having my bedroom window situated under a pair of nesting doves. Originally I was pretty psyched about observing the hatching and development of the two doves. I witnessed their first attempts at flight and ultimately their final flight away from the nest. After the doves left only nest remained, but inside the nest were bird mites in search of a new host. After descending a few feet and crossing through the mesh screen the mites found my bed and a new host. Fortunately, bird mites cannot survive on a human host, but that didn't prevent the mites from biting me and trying to lodge themselves in my bellybutton. Over the next two weeks my torso was covered in bites that caused me a lot of discomfort.
All I know is that I need to do something or else history might repeat itself.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Origins of the Incredible Sulk

How does one become the master of the mope and the sultan of the sulk? Stay tuned and I will share past tales that will shed some light on the history of the Incredible Sulk.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Mountain Rush

Mountain Rush is my favorite scent from Old Spice. Personally, I feel that the smell of Mountain Rush is a sophisticated aroma that strikes a balance between subtle and bold tones. It also seems to work well with my body pH and pheromones. Plus, I have a tried and true system that involves using Mountain Rush body wash and antiperspirant/deodorant. My system creates a unified scent that has become a part of life. I've had at least a 10 year relationship with Old Spice Mountain Rush, however, over that last few days I am beginning to fear that my decade long admiration may come to an end.
It started as like any other day, I put on some antiperspirant/deodorant, but I realized that I was running low. For most people a situation like this just means a quick trip to the drugstore, but Mountain Rush is not the most widely available scent in the Old Spice lineup. The only place I know that carries it is Wal-Mart. I went to Wal-Mart and they didn't have it in stock, so I went to another Wal-Mart, but left empty handed. Then I went to three other drugstores only to find out that the Mountain Rush deodorant (without the antiperspirant) was being sold as a "closeout" item. After talking to the clerk, she left me with the impression that Old Spice will be revamping their scents and Mountain Rush will be an unfortunate casualty.
So far my plan has been to stockpile all types of Mountain Rush products. I need time in order to find a supply of Mountain Rush antiperspirant/deodorant, or find another scent that is compatible with my pH and pheromones.

Let's begin...

Moping and sulking are probably the two things I do best. I'm a natural. In fact, for the better part of 2001-2005, I considered myself a highly proficient moper and a world-class sulker. Since the peak of my moping and sulking exploits, I have tried to limit my moping and sulking, but from time to time I like to participate in a satisfying mope and a good sulk.

Stay tuned for a look at the things that make me hunch my shoulder, lower my head, and cry.